Jun 20, 2009

Revelation

Google

For almost three years now since I have started this blog, I have somewhat kept this blog secret from my wife. Thankfully, she is not really fond of searching my name in Google. Otherwise, she would have easily found this blog. Although my wife knows that I have several blogs, I have not put emphasis on this particular blogsite. In one hand, I was ambivalent about revealing the existence of this blogsite to my wife in fear that she would be angry at me. After all, I was the one who converted her to Mormonism. When I became an atheist, I thought she would feel somewhat betrayed if she found out about my new conviction. I really did not want to hurt her feelings. At the same time, I did not have any intention of converting her to atheism. On the other hand, I also wanted her to understand me. It is ironic that in the back of my mind I was really half-hoping that she would read this blog so that she could understand me better.

It was really a gradual process before I have finally revealed to her the existence of this blogsite. It took almost three years. I first became inactive in attending church services. Some circumstances also contributed to our lost of enthusiasm to attend church services. One of which was my job relocation. We were seldom able to go to our local Mormon church because of the impractical distance. It gave me the opportunity to gradually show her the doctrinal and historical errors of the Mormon Church.

However, I have not fully revealed my atheism. I just told her that I was just seeking the truth. I have not discouraged her to pray or believe in God. In fact, I have not even protested when she started teaching our three-year old son how to pray. She has her own convictions but she was not really fanatic about the Mormon Church. She too eventually became inactive from attending church services even when we finally returned to our former residence after I was retrenched from my job. However, I still saw that she still had some emotional attachment to our unofficially "former" religion. We often confide with each other about the merits of having a religion, especially now that our son is already starting to have questions about certain religious-related things he sees on television and learns from his playmates. Our son also has recently started pre-school class.

It was only about two weeks ago that I finally encouraged my wife to read about this blogsite. We previously had some discussions about religion in general. After some sort of debate, we both agreed that science is a better and more reliable test of reality compared to religion. It actually started with a dinner table discussion. We were then planning her return to school. She was then thinking of taking up a course in physics. Our conversation eventually led to a discussion about the origin and nature of the cosmos as defined by physics. In the course of our conversation, it became clear to her that I do not anymore believe in an intelligent designer. She was not angry, surprised or depressed when I finally revealed to her that I am an atheist. She told me that she already knew. She just did not want me to be pontifical about it.

1 comment:

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