Coming Out of the Closet

If atheism is a religion, then, I am a recent zealous convert. I was born in a Catholic family but got married as a Mormon. I have never been passionate about any belief system as I am now passionate about atheism. I even created this blogsite to express my atheist views. Atheism is the most rationally convincing philosophy that I have encountered. Atheism has freed my mind from the bondage of superstitious religion.

Atheism is not a belief but rather a lack of belief in the supernatural, particularly belief in gods (including the Christian god). My conversion to atheism was a long and difficult process. My atheism is ironic, considering that I was brought up in a particularly religious family and I was educated in a Jesuit-run school. My father, although a policeman by profession, is a minister of a charismatic Christian group. My grandmother was a devout Catholic. She was an active member of the CWL (Catholic Women's League). My mother was also a devout Catholic. My mother kept all sorts of statues of saints and would regularly pray the rosary. Although father was tolerant about all these, he sometimes had some religious but sober arguments with mother. However, father was never able to convince mother that praying to saints for intercession was a form of idolatry.

The minor religious debates between father and mother never led to animosity between them. They both had their “biblical reasons” and were firm in their beliefs. However, as little children, it was difficult and confusing for my siblings and me. Our sense or religious affinity became a bit schizophrenic. How was it possible that our parents were both Christians but have conflicting beliefs? This was the beginning of my doubt about the validity of religion.

It is also ironic that the subjects in moral philosophy and philosophy of religion that I took up in college further reinforced my religious doubts. Hence, I became a Deist. I still believed in a supreme being but I doubted all religions. Nonetheless, I still listened to various religious groups. There was even a time that I became a sympathizer (although not a member of Bro. Eli Soriano’s group). I was even persuaded by an Iglesia ni Cristo minister to be indoctrinated. However, I was never baptized in the INC. Then the Mormon missionaries came to our house. The Mormon missionaries were the most friendly and amiable religious missionaries that I ever met. Unlike Bro. Eli’s group or INC ministers, the Mormon missionaries never struck me as arrogant or self-righteous. To cut a long story short, I was baptized as a Mormon. I got married as a Mormon. My wife and I became devout Mormons, attending church worship services and actively participating in different activities. Superficially, I am still a Mormon. However, when I probed into the deeper doctrines and history of the Mormon Church, I discovered that the church is a fraud. It cannot even be considered as a Christian church! My religious confusion just got worst. I felt betrayed!

So, I became an agnostic. My agnosticism led me to atheism. Atheistic philosophy is the most morally and logically convincing philosophy that I ever encountered. I became free from the bondage of confusion and fear that religion brings. Although I still recognize the merits of religion, I am convinced that religion only offers false hope. Presently, my wife and church friends are still unaware of my atheism. Hence, to some extent, I am still a “closet atheist”. My conversion to atheism was difficult but it gave me the freedom to think.